Developing: President Digs Own Political Grave

In typical Democrat fashion, President Barack Obama today announced the end of his own political career and the pending total impoverishment of millions of disabled and elderly Americans. The endorsement of “gay marriage” assures Mitt Romney (98% certainty) of victory in November. Obama will not carry a single southern or western state (excepting possibly California and Oregon).

Republicans will gain control of both legislative houses, the White House and exercise total domination over the Supreme Court of the United Corporations. On the brighter side, we will be allowed to witness (those of us who can still afford to buy groceries) the implementation of the brilliant domestic and foreign policy programs of the Greedy Old Party.

It fills one with a giddy sense of anticipation. I can hardly wait.

Kiss Social Security good-bye. Medicare, adios. Sayonara earned income tax credit (Tim Griffin will dance for joy!), food stamps, Medicare, nutrition assistance for pregnant women, student loans, and anything else that is not a direct implement of corporate welfare of handout to the top one-percent. Great days ahead for the military,federal prisons, and the war on drugs.

Thanks for nothing, Mr. President.

A few good laughs from the Tea Party

The daily emails are typically humorous, so I thought I would share today.

Hey Tea Party: Time To Hoist The Colors

The truth is: the Tea Party has been busy doing what OWS won’t and can’t do!
As the Tea Party flushes Obama’s liberal agenda, the OWS crowd is desecrating on police cars.
As the Tea Party washes away socialism, the OWS circus is publicly urinating.
As the Tea Party brings restoration to America, the OWS rapists claim more victims.
As the Tea Party protects their homes, OWS sleeps in the streets illegally.
As the Tea Party hails the rule of law, OWS law breakers are arrested by the thousands.
As the Tea Party endorses private healthcare, OWS infected gangs spreads Tuberculosis.

Shall I go on?
Yes, it is now time to send a wakeup call to the Washington oligarchy telling them ‘the Tea Party is Coming!’

BRACE YOURSELF! THE TEA IS STARTING TO BOIL!!!
The day of setting one’s ever fattening ‘Gluteus Maximus’ and hoping someone else carries the flag is over.

Tea Party, SOUND THE ALARM! It is time to politically lock and load. No More Mr. Nice Guy! Our beloved Nation is at stake! The showdown is coming. And it will culminate in November 2012 when we shower millions upon millions of our votes on our winning candidates. The Tea Party will bring down the noxious flag of the Obama Socialist Party once and for all!

As an organized and determined movement of “We The People” we will overcome, we will walk the precincts, mail out absentee ballots, write the checks, send emails, make phone calls and swarm the voting stations filling them with our voices of victory, as we take back our beloved nation.

We WILL engage the socialist enemy of democracy and soundly defeat their evil intent to castrate our greatest document, the U.S. Constitution. There will be no price to high, no issue too frightening and no challenge too great for the Tea Party to conquer.

The next part of the message is the “fax a flag” campaign. THAT has me shaking in my boots.

“Harmless fuzzball” apologizes to alleged “slut”

This is pretty rich stuff. It would have to be awfully rich to lure the famous Lyncho out of my involuntary semi-retirement. The internationally famous host of America’s most successful radio talk show (if you don’t believe it, just ask him) and the self-proclaimed leader of the Republican Party, the Conservative movement and all true patriots, has expressed regret over some strong words directed at a female college student who was so imprudent as to attempt to express her opinions before the representatives she supports with her tax dollars.

The exalted one is an old hand at insulting and demeaning the less powerful opponents of his all-wise decrees. It is well-known that the broadcaster despises homeless people and apparently thinks they are all a bunch of deadbeats, despite abundant evidence that many of those individuals have at some time in their now miserable lives put on the uniform of the Armed Forces of the United States. The notable cigar aficionado has denied the existence of Tourette Syndrome and mocked those afflicted with the disorder. He has openly ridiculed those diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as deadbeats and slackers. (It should be noted here that the brilliant high school graduate and world renowned scientist also denies global warming.)

But all this fandango got going when America’s favorite fuzzball harmlessly described this mouthy mere woman as a “slut.” It was just a verbal miscue and, of course,all the limp wrist liberals have gotten their knickers all knotted up. The mighty radio deity, rising above the unseemly bunch of whiners, has bravely come forward to sooth down all the ruffled feathers and all the girls that might have gotten their delicate little feelers hurt over such a commonplace and benign word as “slut.” Let us examine this manly and courageous statement.

“For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.

So take that, all you brainless liberals. He merely chose the wrong world while creating another of his sensible and well-considered analogies so that left-leaning dimwits might be enlightened as to their misconceptions. (We cannot argue with the part about the program being absurd.)

I think it is absolutely absurd that during these very serious political times, we are discussing personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress.

They, Oh Great Ruler of the Airwaves, why did you bring it up?

I personally do not agree that American citizens should pay for these social activities. What happened to personal responsibility and accountability? Where do we draw the line?

Well, I am surely no expert on such things, but some might argue that when one practices contraception, they ARE taking responsibility for their own lives.

If this is accepted as the norm, what will follow? Will we be debating if taxpayers should pay for new sneakers for all students that are interested in running to keep fit? In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone’s bedroom nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level.

Ah, another one of those brilliant analogies. Birth control pills are analogous to sneakers. I did not go to college either and I know better than that. It is even a biblical principle that married people have sex to relieve sexual tensions. That could be taken as recreation, Mr. Broadcast Wizard. And, sir, it was mighty generous of you to allow us to fool around in our own bedrooms without your personal supervision. I have had one divorce, Mr. All Knowing Leader of the Conservative Movement, how many divorces have you had? That is a matter of human relations, even marital relations, and I believe it is relevant to this conversation.

My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.”

Yeah, I know how it feels. Whenever I want people to fall over laughing I go instantly to my mental file of incendiary, hurtful, sexist adjectives. I get a lot of unsolicited emails from Republicans, Tea Partiers, and assorted right wing nuts, and it must be said in the Great One’s defense that conservatives have a very odd sense of humor. Just last week a federal judge in Montana publicly apologized for sending out one of those witty items from the GOP flock that generally suggested President Obama’s mother of having intercourse with a dog. Like I said, you guys have a peculiar sense of humor and, quite honestly, I don’t get it.

Anyway, it’s the thought that counts, Some the little girl doesn’t like being called a “slut.” How thin skinned! How small! That kind of thing is just killing the kind of honest and robust debate that professional broadcasters with decades of experience are attempting to encourage.