“Harmless fuzzball” apologizes to alleged “slut”

This is pretty rich stuff. It would have to be awfully rich to lure the famous Lyncho out of my involuntary semi-retirement. The internationally famous host of America’s most successful radio talk show (if you don’t believe it, just ask him) and the self-proclaimed leader of the Republican Party, the Conservative movement and all true patriots, has expressed regret over some strong words directed at a female college student who was so imprudent as to attempt to express her opinions before the representatives she supports with her tax dollars.

The exalted one is an old hand at insulting and demeaning the less powerful opponents of his all-wise decrees. It is well-known that the broadcaster despises homeless people and apparently thinks they are all a bunch of deadbeats, despite abundant evidence that many of those individuals have at some time in their now miserable lives put on the uniform of the Armed Forces of the United States. The notable cigar aficionado has denied the existence of Tourette Syndrome and mocked those afflicted with the disorder. He has openly ridiculed those diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as deadbeats and slackers. (It should be noted here that the brilliant high school graduate and world renowned scientist also denies global warming.)

But all this fandango got going when America’s favorite fuzzball harmlessly described this mouthy mere woman as a “slut.” It was just a verbal miscue and, of course,all the limp wrist liberals have gotten their knickers all knotted up. The mighty radio deity, rising above the unseemly bunch of whiners, has bravely come forward to sooth down all the ruffled feathers and all the girls that might have gotten their delicate little feelers hurt over such a commonplace and benign word as “slut.” Let us examine this manly and courageous statement.

“For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.

So take that, all you brainless liberals. He merely chose the wrong world while creating another of his sensible and well-considered analogies so that left-leaning dimwits might be enlightened as to their misconceptions. (We cannot argue with the part about the program being absurd.)

I think it is absolutely absurd that during these very serious political times, we are discussing personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress.

They, Oh Great Ruler of the Airwaves, why did you bring it up?

I personally do not agree that American citizens should pay for these social activities. What happened to personal responsibility and accountability? Where do we draw the line?

Well, I am surely no expert on such things, but some might argue that when one practices contraception, they ARE taking responsibility for their own lives.

If this is accepted as the norm, what will follow? Will we be debating if taxpayers should pay for new sneakers for all students that are interested in running to keep fit? In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone’s bedroom nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level.

Ah, another one of those brilliant analogies. Birth control pills are analogous to sneakers. I did not go to college either and I know better than that. It is even a biblical principle that married people have sex to relieve sexual tensions. That could be taken as recreation, Mr. Broadcast Wizard. And, sir, it was mighty generous of you to allow us to fool around in our own bedrooms without your personal supervision. I have had one divorce, Mr. All Knowing Leader of the Conservative Movement, how many divorces have you had? That is a matter of human relations, even marital relations, and I believe it is relevant to this conversation.

My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.”

Yeah, I know how it feels. Whenever I want people to fall over laughing I go instantly to my mental file of incendiary, hurtful, sexist adjectives. I get a lot of unsolicited emails from Republicans, Tea Partiers, and assorted right wing nuts, and it must be said in the Great One’s defense that conservatives have a very odd sense of humor. Just last week a federal judge in Montana publicly apologized for sending out one of those witty items from the GOP flock that generally suggested President Obama’s mother of having intercourse with a dog. Like I said, you guys have a peculiar sense of humor and, quite honestly, I don’t get it.

Anyway, it’s the thought that counts, Some the little girl doesn’t like being called a “slut.” How thin skinned! How small! That kind of thing is just killing the kind of honest and robust debate that professional broadcasters with decades of experience are attempting to encourage.


About patlynch
I am a broadcaster in Arkansas, a former freelance writer and political columnist in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Writing Coach. Speaker. Director of the Christian Foundations for Ministry program, and presently enrolled in the Anglican School of Ministry Master of Ministry program.

5 Responses to “Harmless fuzzball” apologizes to alleged “slut”

  1. Josh Draper says:

    I believe wholeheartedly that he only made this “apology” because he is losing sponsors for his radio program. I also recall that such statements, and a similar loss of sponsors, led to the downfall of Glenn Beck’s TV program. I can only hope the same happens here.

  2. patlynch says:

    Rush’s affiliates have signed contracts and are paying to receive the program. It will be difficult for them to break the contracts. Fact is, big corporations are calling the shots on this and “the listener be damned.”

  3. Anonymous says:


    As a junior in American National Government at UALR in 1993, I referred to you as a flaming liberal. The instructor, (I can’t remember his name), basically called me an idiot for this. I wish I could find him today at the OWS rally and rub his nose in his own poo.

    I am still labeled a conservative but more of a Libertarian and think of you more as a flaming liberal today than then. I only wish I still had you to listen to on the radio. I never thought I would see the day when you openly called for someone’s free speech to be stifled though.

  4. patlynch says:

    Thanks for the compliment, although mot liberals do not think of me as one of their own. As to the famous nationally syndicated talk show host, I am sure you must realize that the free speech “right,” in that instance, resides with the radio station licensee and not the program host. There is no constitutionally protected “right” to host a talk show.

    I can’t imagine anyone calling you an idiot, although the thought of doing anything with somebody else’s poo seems dangerous and revolting.

    May you find true peace,

  5. superb article you got here, thanks a lot for sharing it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: