20 practical and infallible ways for slackers to keep cool

When Paul Greenberg does this topic as a column (I think he reprints one from 1962) he highlights 100 ways to keep cool. That’s ridiculous. I am just not that creative, or energetic. In fact, cutting back on creative writing should be one of the ways to avoid the oppressive summer heat. Anyway, here are 20 ways for slackers to keep cool (in no particular order)!

20. read old Paul Grenberg columns. That will send a chill up your spine.

19. Watch YouTube videos by U. S. Rep. Tim Griffin. That guy has a chunk of ice for a heart and the chills are bound to radiate past your computer screen.

18. Iced tea with a sprig of mint. Thanks to Kevin Clay!!

17. Turn off the energy-saving lights. Those things run very hot!

16, Andre Kostelanetz, “Sleigh Ride. ”

17, Dr. Zhivago never gets old

16. Vanilla ice cream (my favorite flavor, honest!)

15. Dallas Cowboys versus Green Bay Packers, Dec. 31, 1967. Watch reruns of the Ice Bowl!!!

14. “New York’s a lonely town when you’re the only surfer boy around.” My wood’s outside covered with snow now. The Trade Winds??????

13. Gin and tonic, tall.

12. Call all your friends to share fond remembrances from the great ice storm of 2000 (or 1983 if you really go back that far, like me). If you don’t have any friends, this won’t work. Sorry.

11. Pretend that you belong to a weird Wiccan cult that requires nudity during private meditation.

10. Recite poems by Robert W. Service. Begin with “The Cremation of Sam McGee>”

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;

9. Reruns of Northern Exposure.

8. Lemon icebox pie

7. Dean Martin, “Baby it’s cold outside.”

6. Fill bathtub full of ice, place cherry in mouth, jump in!

5. If your name is Pat Lynch, pull out those old recordings of KMON (The Country Giant) in Great Falls, Montana. (I guess that is not much help to the rest of you.)

4. Plan a delightful summer vacation in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

3. Another tall gin and tonic. (This is hard work. How does those newspaper guys do it?)

2. Pull out old programs from Holiday on Ice and Ice Capades.

1. Sit patiently next to air-conditioning vent and wait patiently for Game Day Saturday!!!


About patlynch
I am a broadcaster in Arkansas, a former freelance writer and political columnist in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Writing Coach. Speaker. Director of the Christian Foundations for Ministry program, and presently enrolled in the Anglican School of Ministry Master of Ministry program.

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