Randy Travis Arrested Again After Car Crash, Suspicion Of DWI
August 8, 2012 Leave a comment
Country crooner Randy Travis is trying really, really hard to embody a sad country song. TMZ reports that the troubled songwriter was arrested Tuesday night on suspicion of a DWI after crashing his car into the barricades of an off-road construction site. He also refused to take a breathalyzer test, aggressively verbally threatened the cops and — here’s the chorus line — was completely nude at the scene of the car crash.
MEMO TO MUSIC INDUSTRY EXECUTIVES
Let’s give a big round of applause for Randy Travis! Not only is he a performer in the studio and on stage, but he scores in the hearts of every right thinking American. Be aware that, despite this inspiring display of total dedication to the music industry, that there will be criticism from your typical ultra-liberal, tofu eating, alternative energy endorsing (not to mention alternative lifestyles!), girls, misfits, socialist do-goods, mamby pamby leftists, grannies from MADD, out-of-touch social critics with their snotty noses high in the air, and a small bunch of brainless do-nothings that really ought to go out and get a life.
Make no mistake about it. Out man Randy is going to face some criticism and we need to stand strong behind a true American hero who motivates our target audience and sells a load of product. Now the enemies (most of which were listed above, although the catalogue of worthless sub-human non-contributors could go on a lot longer) own and control the liberal media (except Rush, FOX News, Clear Channel, Cumulus, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, the Wall Street Journal and every other major newspaper in America) and they are going to squeal just like somebody punched grandma right in the nose. Let this thing cool off for a week or so before we give him a giant cash bonus.
Hell, we might give Randy a paid vacation to “drug treatment.” Just imagine the triumphal return! I bet we could get him booked on the 700 Club! There is a huge marketing opportunity here people, so let’s not drop the ball with the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that Mr. Travis has so graciously dropped into our laps.
Remember that the real Americans love this guy. Who wouldn’t love to get drunker than Cooter Jones and rip off all his clothes, and go driving all over town.What self-respecting man would just bow down and voluntarily take the damn state imposed breathalyzer test? That’s the kind of stuff dreamed up by silly girls down at MADD and stinkin’ left-wing lawyers. Hell no he’s not gonna’ take the test and who does not dream of cussin’ out a cop? The regular guys and good old gals who buy our songs just love that kind of thing.
Alright. We may get a little push-back from the police and we must keep up that patriotic image, even though everybody knows it is a complete insincere load of cow manure. Let Randy do some stupid tribute to “our fallen heroes in blue” or some other meaningless nonsense like that and it ought to completely confuse the issue and settle everybody down.
This is just another night on the town for a true leader of social trends. This is just what America wants to see and Randy deserves our support in this difficult time. He must be properly rewarded for making the ultimate sacrifice and demonstration of total professional commitment to the industry.